Modesty

I'm just gonna jump right in on this one. A few concepts all gelled together for me under the concept of "modesty," and I have to write it down and see it in print to be done trying to understand it.

So, the first concept is the commodity model of sexuality. Your sexuality is subject to the laws of supply and demand, and so it is more valuable the fewer people have access to it. To quote one of the most concise and amusing explanations on the subject, "We’ve all heard the phrase “no one will buy the cow when they can get the milk for free,” and when I refer to the commodification of sex, that’s the perfect accessible example. People, and women especially, are taught that sex is a good that we have to offer someone else, and that we have to preserve, and even amplify, the value of that good. We make our sexuality more valuable by decreasing the supply, to thereby increase demand. Because apparently my vagina is a widget."

The second concept is the inherent sexuality of the body. Any interaction with a body is always perceived as sexual, regardless of context. So if I am naked, and you are looking at me, then we are sharing a sexual interaction. Period.

I am of the general opinion that a body is neutral. It just, kinda, is. It exists. It's just there, like a tree or a rock. And looking at it is like looking at a tree or a rock. In and of itself, completely neutral. Context is required to give it meaning. Taking my clothes off in a "come hither" way as part of foreplay with my husband? Way totally sexual. Taking my clothes off because a friend wants to see my tattoos? (No I don't have any tattoos yet, but a girl can dream) So not sexual.

(Note: This is why I do not consider myself an exhibitionist, and why I believe people who automatically assume that I am an exhibitionist because I am not disinclined to take my clothes off have bought in to the idea of the inherent sexuality of the body. Showing my skin is not a sexual act. You looking at my skin is not a sexual act. So I don't have to be getting a sexual charge from it to be okay with taking my clothes off.)

(BTW, if there were any uninterested or underage parties in the room, they would consider it rape. No I'm not kidding. Think about it. Why else is "indecent exposure" a crime that gets you on the sex offender registry? You don't have to have touched, spoken to, or even been aware of the presence of another person. Merely exposing your body to sunlight is a SEX crime. Your body is sexual, and putting it in the possible line of sight of someone who did not consent to look at it is rape. Consent fits in there, fair enough, but you have to assume that just showing/looking at a body is a sex act for that logic to follow. Allow me to respectfully disagree.)

(ALSO, this partially explains how angry people get about people they don't find attractive, mostly women, showing their bodies. They don't want to fuck you, but you're showing them your body, which is sexual, so you are forcing them to have a sexual interaction with someone they don't want to have a sexual interaction with. Fat shaming is partly a result of what we've convinced people is rape trauma. Because our culture is that fucked up.)

(ALSO ALSO, this partially explains the "she was wearing a short skirt so of course I could have sex with her" thing. If you were exposing your body, and someone else saw it, you were already having sex! So sticking your dick in a girl who is wearing a short skirt where you can see her is the same as sticking your dick back in a girl you're in the middle of having sex with.)

(But I digress.)

The third concept is the generalized belief that women are only supposed to have sex with people they love. Monogamy is a huge motivator for that idea, but this belief persists in people in ethically non-monogamous relationships as well so I treated it on its own. Women having sex cuz they feel like it, without an established relationship and deep abiding commitment, is just weird. They're supposed to wait, hold out on sex until they know that the relationship is going to last. It's the subject of many an advice column. Wait. Don't have sex right away. Make sure he's the one. Instead of, possibly, having good sex and then deciding to pass on the relationship part.

So. Modesty is the sum of these three ideas. Women, you have to cover up your body, because if you expose your body and someone else sees it then you have shared a sexual interaction with that person, and you are only supposed to share sexual interactions with people you love/only one person, and if you do show your body to lots of people (see: nude modelling) then you are a slut on the same level as someone who has sex with multiple partners and subject to the same devaluing of your sexuality.

There. Phew.